it's been such a long time since my last post...
last post was July 2011. Woots! it's like more than 6 months already! time files~ indeed.
2012, it's not a very good year for me apparently. Too many things had changed, i cant deny the fact that people come and go and people changed.
lets recap my 2011 first...
2011, wao, really a very hectic year for me.. not to mention, me and winnie too.
yes i know, winnie again, my blog since 2009 i've been blogging about her too, and till today i am still talking about her. kind of useless right? i know...
2011, lots of memories.. good and bad ones, i cant deny the fact that 2011, winnie and i did get closer, really like a couple, hang out every weekend, sat we will go out walk around, sun i will spend my day at her place, watching online movies, follow her to NTUC to buy stuff, play with her dog and have dinner together with her family. come to think about it, i do miss those days how i always hang out with her. nobody like her can give me that kind of feelings, i cant find another person like her. everyone of us are unique, no one can replace another.
i really love her, i know that i should not continue loving her cause of the things she had done, (or maybe she didnt? giving her the benefit of doubts) but its really hard for me to let go of her, i really have no idea why towards her, i just cant bare to do so. she has that kind of power that you just cant leave her, yes, i cant, (or maybe, im still trying which is really hard) i've been trying to let go of her for like 2years, and when she came back look for me, back to square one again.
i know right... im really so useless. i know out there, there are better ones who deserve me than she does, yet i just let go of her. maybe im still hoping something out from her? but i jolly well know myself that im not expecting anything from her anymore yet i still care for her, love her and dote on her. even though she said that i did not dote on her i used to be, which is the truth, but i still dote on her just maybe not as much as last time.
now if you ask me whether do i still love her? my answer will be yes, maybe a little still. at least im trying now, which is really hard for me. i know my friends are supporting me, support my decisions what i want to do with this etc, i cant fail them, cause they are the ones who are with me when my heartbreak because of winnie. they are so supportive that they even said that if i still want to continue with winnie like how we used to be, they respect my decision too.
seriously, why on earth am i still holding on her when i know so many things about her? (be it whether real or fake) after all, if its not real, there wont be words going around either. ok.. stop here.. let me think slowly and sort my mind out.. by then, i will be alright.
now 2012, me and her changed. drastic changed. i do not want to mention much on this anymore. time will heal everything.
started studying, busy ike mad, busy with association, busy with work too! busy busy busy!
all i can say is that 2012 is really a busy year for me -.-"
at least i'm occupied with stuff, my mind wont run wild.