when i thought that this matter could be resolve but in the end it's not
I'm still going to new zealand no matter what
i don't know how to say
my mood is upside down now
the feeling of going to new zealand is not there anymore
but i still have to go
if i pull out now, not only myself not able to go, another 2 people are not able to go too
so what to do?
i have to go no matter what
it's unfair for them if i pull out and the other 2 are not able to go
anyway, i will just pray hard that the agency won't be able to find a place for us, because i seriously do not want to go new zealand anymore.
these few days I've been thinking 1 matter, i talked on the phone with you asking you alot alot of questions that i have not asked you before.
i don't know why I'm like that
i do not want myself to become like that
every time i hug you, i just really don't want to let you go
but i know i have to
you and i said that we do not want them to tag along with us, because you find that when we are with them, I'm very far away from you
and you said that when I'm with you alone, when I'm quiet, you find that I'm also very far from you.
that night you told me, no matter how much i like/love you, you won't lose yourself.
so i said,"let me put it in this way, you said that you won't lose yourself, so it means that no matter what i do, no matter how much i love you, you won't be touched and moved, and you will be back to the very very starting the girl i know, the girl who has a boyfriend from the 1st day i know you till now, correct?"
and you said,"no"
so what does it mean?
every time i hug you, every time i send you home, every time i kiss you, i know that you aren't my girlfriend
but what does all these mean?
i told you before that these things are only when 2 people like each other then will happen, i like you, but you do not like me, but we are still like that.
you said that we are abnormal
ya i agree
but i really don't know what to do
are you seeing me as...?
what if 1 day i ask you this question, how will you answer me?
perhaps when the day I'm leaving you,you will be able to live without me, because you have your boyfriend.